How do you fill a bagel sized hole on the internet? How many holes are there in a bagel sized hole anyway? If a Peter Crouch falls down in a forest, can Harry Redknapp hear him? If you keep Jermain Defoe in the box, is he offside even when it’s shut?
Many have devoted their life to finding the solutions to these age old problems, but no-one really knows (except for the last one – yes. Yes he is). But sometimes you’ve got to stop thinking and get doing, and there comes a time where an oog’s gotta do what a oog’s gotta do. In this case he’s gotta write a blog about his football team – there just aren’t enough of those out there already.
For those of you who may not know – beefbagel.com was a blog my friend the bagel used to write about Tottenham. But after a few years the bagel (the man) outgrew the bagel (the blog) and selfishly prioritised things like a career, and a family, and a life. Loser (unless he starts feeding us some crumbs in the comments section in which case all is forgiven). I contributed one post, which I thoroughly enjoyed, and a work-disciplinary sized amount of comments to that blog. When the bagel became toast, a poppy seed had been sown in my head…
So now, after the gestation period of a constipated mammoth in super hi-definition slo-mo, here it is. Ladies and gentlemen – welcome to “coconuts and alcohol”!
Yeah… that name, huh? I first seriously thought about starting a blog six months ago. Up until about a week or so ago, all I was actually thinking was “what do I call it?”. I was toying with IblameJenas, chickenbagel (“it’s what you go for when there’s no beef bagel”) and oogblog (yawn). In the end I’ve settled on something that has absolutely no connection to football whatsoever. So it might be confusing, irrelevant and rubbish, but at least it won’t date. Please feel free to annoy me by suggesting much better titles. But let’s move on maaaan, just favourite it if you feel so inclined and you never need to think about it again.
After I realised that choosing a name was procrastination pure and simple, I sat down and wrote a few hundred words about the world cup. But I hadn’t worked out how to actually set up a blog yet so now it’s yesterday’s news . Half of it was a bordering on homoerotic declaration of manlove for the two headed mental genius of Messidona. You’ve probably lucked out that it won’t ever see the light of day.
And in any case, this is a TOTTENHAM blog. World cup shmorld shmup . I should probably set out my mission statement but obviously I don’t have one. I’m not looking to become a source of Tottenham news, although I’m sure some will be rehashed here. I’m not going to promise match reports because otherwise I have a feeling Spurs games will become a bit of a chore. I’ll write them as and when I can be bothered, but I’ll try to keep this blog updated pretty regularly. For the record, I’m a shelf side lower season ticket holder, a loyal spurs supporter who goes to every game except almost all the away ones and the ones that clash with my holiday in Malaysia – which means the first 4 or 5 games of the season including the CL qualifiers – doh.
One way or another, by the time I get back, there will be more to talk about than the really dull friendly against Benfica that I’m half watching on ESPN as I type this [update – it got slightly better]. And until I go, I’ll just try to add a couple of posts to see if any of you are out there [update – second post already written but I’m going to wait a few days – expect an out of date list of schoolboy jokes about Young Boys Berne Thursday or Friday] – everyone, please contribute otherwise I’ll be like Crouchy all alone in the woods, sans nachos. If this blog has a point, it’s to have fun in the comments section so don’t be shy. Raise whatever issues you want. Vaguely Tottenham related in general, but feel free to drift into other territory if you feel the urge. And non Tottenham fans are welcome. Even Arsenal fans. Just be nice, y’all – my dad will probably be reading. And I’ll censor you if you are really out of order. Or perhaps I won’t. I really haven’t worked it out yet. So there.
I’ve got to admit, I just can’t get excited or angsty about who we will or who we won’t sign. I used to scour the papers, or in recent years newsnow, all summer long to find out about transfer targets. Ok I still do, but somehow I don’t find myself dwelling on it in the way I used to. So once we’re out of this weird pre CL qualifier post world cup limbo state, and once I’m back from my hols, I’ll get cracking properly. Really. I will. I promise.
So enjoy it, and if you don’t– then remember – I blame Jenas!
That was going to be my catchphrase.